The Game Of Thrones Red Wedding Killed My Vibrator

Game of Thrones Red Wedding

Death by Party | Here is a spoiler alert, my sex life sucks

So it’s two days after the dreaded Red Wedding aired on HBO’s Game of Thrones. I haven’t been doing well. I know it is such a pathetic, white girl, first world problem to say that I’m loosing sleep over the brutal massacre of multiple characters from the George RR Martin books, but the fact is, I’m still shook up. Reading the non-stop torrent of Twitter outrage hasn’t been the consolation that I was hoping it would.

The fact is, I had a truly unnatural lust for Richard Madden, the actor who plays Robb Stark. I have a photo collage of Richard, Modge Podged all over my bedroom ceiling. I named my cat Richard Madden, I named my favorite gold fish, Richard Madden, I named my vibrator… Richard Madden.

Do you know what it’s like watching your vibrator being brutally butchered in front of his mother? I grew to love that vibrator. I cared about what happened on that vibrator. I thought I would have at least three more seasons with that vibrator. Now it just seems lifeless in my hands. No sex toy will ever replace Richard Madden and I feel like I have to reason to continue feeding my cat.

I hope someone takes George RR Martins vibrator and chops it apart some day so he can know what it feels like to truly love someone you love.

-Annette Garcia

Photos courtesy of

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