Solid Like A Rock

Hipsters in stone by Leo Cailard

Death by Party | Hipsters In Stone By Leo Cailard

If I was in the Star Wars Trilogy as a character I would’ve been Han Solo.  I have a full head of hair, wit, and a crush on Princess Leia.  I’d make a good Han and make even better use of my house Wookie and droids.  I’d also probably get caught by Jabba the Hutt’s crew and it would most certainly be my fault.  What can I say; I love space music and, even more, intergalactic cocktails.

If I was frozen like Hans Solo at the end of the Empire Strikes Back I hope at least I have a good semi.  Who knows, maybe the three-breasted woman from Total Recall might be hanging out.  It would all be worth it if I could give her something to go home with and think about as she fingers herself.  Leia may even convince Jabba and his crew to worship my dick.  I’d be immortalized like David, much like the Hipsters in Stone series by Leo Caillard, until I was freed.

My hopes is that I’m wearing a my typical wardrobe upon time of capture: mesh shirt, spandex pants, hair sprayed head of hair, diamond-encrusted star earrings, and a replica of the WWF Championship belt.  If I’m lucky maybe Leia will paint my nails or maybe Caillard himself will stop by and strap a triangular Ibanez guitar on my shoulder.  At the very least I’d have a weapon at the time I’m set free.  At the very worst, one of Jabba’s thugs may try to make me his bitch.  Check out Caillard’s site and dream about your own descent into immortalization.

By Lou Cervantes

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