Dear Miley Cyrus VMA Scandal, Please Shut The Fuck Up

Miley Cyrus VMA scandal

Death by Party | Ha ha, no, seriously shut the fuck up

I didn’t watch the VMA’s. They were on while my television was on and tuned to MTV but I was pretty busy getting drunk off cheap champagne and chain smoking in my backyard. You’d think I would have noticed that society was crumbling and people everywhere were being turned to stone and shit because some 20 year old white girl hiney was flopping around on a stage in Brooklyn. Curiously I remained completely unscathed by this wretched nightmare until news of her crime against humanity started filtering into my newsfeed. I YouTubed that shit. Eventually…

Could someone please tell me what the problem is? I saw a legal adult give a poorly choreographed, barely raunchy performance that featured her performing the exact same maneuvers from her music video while having some sort of epileptic event that caused her tongue to spasm out of her mouth repeatedly. Nothing was shocking, no envelopes were pushed, somewhere Madonna was yawning… Why are we so worked up about this? From the social media chatter I half expected to see her shoot up onstage and recreate 2 girls 1 cup while abusing a child and burning fossil fuels. I got air humping and a giant foam finger. And bajillion crowd shots of Taylor Swift….like MTV was waiting for her to storm out in protest or do something pure and Taylor Swifty in order to make Miley look even a little dangerous…possibly just hoping to catch her making out with bestie Selena Gomez…..which totally would have been worth seeing and infinitely more titillating than watching Miley’s but cheeks dangling out of her rubber panties. Geez, MTV, when’d you get so old?

In the future I’d appreciate it if y’all would save your hysteria for something genuinely shocking. Like a 20 something Disney princess NOT doing something trampy and regrettable in a public forum.

-Courtney Shayne

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One Response to “Dear Miley Cyrus VMA Scandal, Please Shut The Fuck Up”

  1. kangaroo sexy says:

    the only scandal that actually happened during that performance was how poorly it was pulled off. i’ve had hangnails that were more provocative.

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