Mommy, What’s A Pocket Pussy?

Farrah Abraham sex toys

Death by Party | Teen Mom Star Launching Sex Toy Line

I consider this a win for humanity. Here we are, as a nation, poised to purchase and violate the rubberized sacred spaces of a young woman who we don’t even have to pretend ended up in this position because of her insatiable sexual appetites.

Let this be the herald of a new era! Long tiresome are the days of manufactured back stories detailing how some sweet little nymphet finally found freedom for her burning loins by boning all the old men she can find on film. Sure, we all bought those stories for the first 10 years or so… we really, REALLY, believed that these poor girls were suffering under the weight of their god given and completely healthy need to have as many people as possible inside them. We have purchased their silicone buttholes because we believed we were helping them further their life goals and that they “love it when we do it just like that, oh baby, just like that”. But the story has worn thin over time and eventually we were left to confront the uncomfortable notion that maybe these stories weren’t true. If there were so many sex goddesses roaming the earth why was it the only freaks we met in real life were so clearly broken and unhappy and stripping their way through the misery? Something just didn’t add up and it was time to change the game.

Enter “Backdoor Farrah”. We already know she’s fucked up. The only reason this girl got “famous” enough to warrant a line of twat replicas was because she got knocked up at 16 and let MTV film it. We then got to watch as her baby daddy died, his family refused to acknowledge her baby and her mom emotionally abused her. Her porn career was simply the natural progression of our using her sad life for our satisfaction. And now we get to use her immortalized snatch for our satisfaction as well. This is what progress looks like;The circle is complete.

-Courtney Shayne

Photos courtesy of http://teenmombooger.tumblr.com

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