Junior Has Such An Imagination

The Monster Engine- Children's Drawings Painted Realistically

Death by Party | Dave Devries The Monster Engine- Children’s Drawings Painted Realistically

My home life is dominated by my interactions with mice. I want to kill them but quite frankly sometimes it’s nice having company. They only stay in one portion of my home and they only come out one at a time. Most people associate the love of vermin with being completely insane. Some may even question my manhood. However the last couple of years has taught me to be content with these little rascals. They don’t hurt me so why should I hurt them. Sadly, this attitude slowly began to change over the last couple nights.

When I first think of a mouse, pop culture usually comes to mind: Tom and Jerry, Stuart Little, Pinky and the Brain, generally anything except Mickey because I can’t stand Mickey. Let’s face it, mice are sort of cute. You almost want to see one nesting near a candle in a room you preserve for tea. If you’ve ever had a mouse jump out at you than you know what I’m talking about. The last time one jumped on me I felt a sense of hurt as I felt it’s little feet cling to me as it fell to the floor. I froze in fear that I’d step on the little vermin and squash it like a bug. Luckily (so I thought in my mouse-loving days) it went back into its little home under my oven. Being the avid 80’s movie buff, I continued to my couch and popped in my nightly 80’s movie which so happened to be Night of the Creeps in honor of the Halloween season. This is where my love for mice ended.

If you haven’t seen this 80’s classic than without spoiling anything lets just say it’s about zombies that ‘turn’ people by spitting mice into their mouths. The mice thus infect them, harvest inside them, and turn them into the walking dead. Usually I would chuckle at a movie like this and fantasize about the heroine while dreaming away into the arms of Morpheus (that is of course if I made it till the end of the flick). On this particular night I was undone by a rather gruesome nightmare. It began with me on the toilet trying to perform my daily constitution. While on the toilet I noticed my bowels were having trouble moving. Upon reaching for a wipe I noticed a mouse tail sticking out of my bum. In a panic I rushed to call an ambulance but fell over choking and realizing that I couldn’t speak. There was a mouse stuck in my throat. I began having a panic attack but couldn’t panic because a mouse was stuck inside my brain. Literally, I was infested with mice. And then I woke up, in a bed of mice (false alarm!) dream-within-a-dream freak out until really waking up screaming bloody murder in a pool of sweat and urine.

After this nightmare I actually had to look in the mirror several times and pinch myself. If I had a camera I would’ve taken a picture of my disheveled face and given it to one of my young nephews to draw and hang up for Halloween. Or maybe even contact Dave DeVries and have him give it the nationally-renowned artist makeover while also posting it onto his website: The Monster Engine. But the nightmare wasn’t done yet. Downstairs I heard those little mouse footsteps creeping into my trash can and this time the little fellow wasn’t getting off so easily.

Now most people will buy a cat, hire an exterminator, set-traps, release a boa constrictor, or obtain a Pied Piper-like device that lets-off a high electromagnetic soundwave that can only be heard by rodents to rid homes of these uncharming beings. I’ve decided to take matters into my own hands and hunt the sucker down with an axe. Thankfully with a love of the dark and some amphetamine salts I was able to remain awake while waiting for this nocturnal creature to make his appearance in my kitchen. In the end I didn’t kill the mouse but scared him silly after tearing a hole through my kitchen wall and watching him fade away under the distant moonlight. Now I face a much bigger problem that goes under the name of rats, raccoons, possums, badgers, and the occasional bobcat. Let’s just say this: it’s not easy being an axe-wielding home owner dedicated to keeping creatures of the night far removed from his humble abode.

By Lou Cervantes

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