Wrap Your Fucking Brain Around This Hot Butter Crust

Death by Party | Snoop Dogg (Lion?) Hot Pockets Video Featuring Kate Upton

Just when you think the world is a fucked up, awful place full of dishonorable scumbags and crybabies and that the uneducated, self-indulgent masses are about to destroy the economy, the environment and all that was ever good about being alive…. Something like this happens. You were about to give up, weren’t you? End it all in a spectacularly lame display of overdose bloating leaving this shit hole society a vaguely rhyming final missive about how you’d rather die now than stick around for the slow demise of humanity? You were. You’d have been right to. Everyone would have understood your choice and spoken warmly of your noble death at your funeral. Or they would have sent flowers and talked shit at your grave. Whatever- it doesn’t matter now. You just watched Snoop Dogg rap about Hot Pockets and all is right in your world.

Your pathetic life has just been infused with bad-assery. All your worries disappeared when those sheep started dancing across the screen. You couldn’t even care about how fucking hot Kate Upton is because your puny brain parts were being overwhelmed with the fucking raddest pot head snack food homage ever created. And it was good. It was so good.

So get up. Put the propofol down and take a fucking shower, you scumbag. Walk your dog and feed your fish and go out. Go out into a world made beautiful by Snoop and his hot, buttery crust.

By Tricky Pitcher

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